5 Signs She Wants to Date You By Alan Goldsher

Excerpted from msn.com. Does she want to date you? By Alan Goldsher

Guys can be kinda dumb.

I’m not talking kinda dumb in a low-IQ kind of way—remember Ken “Mr. Jeopardy” Jennings? Last time we checked, he was a guy—and clearly not unintelligent. But in terms of figuring out how to comprehend a woman’s feelings about us when we’re trying to make the leap from “friends” to “friends who kiss,” forget about it. This is especially true for guys who’ve been burned in the past (and who hasn’t been?) who are wary about rejection. Maybe we’re not totally illiterate, but we often have a difficult time reading signals. So here, a few signs she’s interested—consider them your green light to get closer.

The “let’s laugh” signal
Distinctly not-dumb guy David Wygant, author of Always Talk To Strangers, is an excellent signal-reader. “If she makes you feel like a stand-up comedian, even though you’re not that funny, she wants to take it to the next level,” says Wygant. Similarly, Rosemarie of White Plains, New York, shares, “If I’m interested in a guy, I kind of tease him—I try to get a funny, bantering chat going. It shows that I’m interested in playing a bit of a cat-and-mouse game, you know? I’ll say something like, ‘I think you’re just making that up,’ or ‘Honestly now, has that line worked?’ but I say it with a big smile and eye contact so he knows I’m just joking.”

The tell-tale time sign
If you are friends with a woman and sometimes wonder if there might be more there, take heed of when she wants to hang out with you. If she wants to meet you for a quick workday lunch, chances are she doesn’t fancy you in the way you might hope. But if she asks you to meet her for a drink in the evening or to see a movie with her on a Saturday at 8 p.m., she may be casting you in more of a boyfriend role. Says Shelly of San Diego: “I work with a lot of guys and admit to getting crushes on co-workers from time to time. I’ll chat them up about new movies I want to see, and if one I’m interested in asks me out, I do what I can to make it at night on a weekend. That makes it so easy to grab a drink or food afterward and get to know each other on a more personal level.”

The body language clues
OK, so the odds of a woman reaching out to hold your hand while you’re flirting with her are slim to none. So how does she use her body to show you she’s interested? Jess from New York believes a woman’s gestures will send you the message. “Her body language will give her away—if a woman leans in toward a guy while he’s talking, mimics his body language, and maybe sneaks in a subtle touch here or there, these are pretty good signs that she’s into him. Obviously, he should get her phone number and actually call.”

And how does a guy know if a woman isn’t interested? “If she is looking around the room while he’s talking to her and crossing her arms across her chest,” says Jess, “she’s probably not that interested. Also, if she tells the guy that he would be perfect for her sister or she suddenly brings up the fact that she’s been talking to her ex-boyfriend, there’s probably not a spark there.” The guy should just move on to a woman who is worth his time or possibly take the uninterested woman up on her sister offer.

The look of “I like you”
A guy should also know what kind of eye contact is waving him in. Direct eye contact that lasts more than a couple of seconds is a sign of interest, say the experts. And if a woman looks from your eyes to your mouth, well, things are in very, very good shape. “I don’t know if it’s conscious or not, but when I like a guy, I find my gaze wanders from his eyes to his mouth,” says Moira of St. Louis. “It’s definitely a seduction move; it lets him know that I’m thinking about what it would be like to kiss him.” Gentleman, if you’re getting that signal, this is another time you want to go ahead and get that phone number.

Taking the next step
Once we men realize she “likes us, likes us,” our minds are oftentimes so blown that we have no idea how to proceed. Fortunately, Wygant does: “Once she gives you the hints, you need to close the deal. Ask her to talk to you away from her friends or call her up on the phone and say, ‘You know what? I want to take you out for a nice dinner—just the two of us.’”

What if the object of your affection is a woman you’ve known as a pal for a while? Over dinner, you have the talk, advises Wygant. “You say, ‘I’d really like to become more than friends. I’d like to start dating you. What do you think of that?’ At this point, she’s given you every single sign that this is the conversation she’s been dreaming about, and of course the answer is going to be yes.”

So it all really boils down to a two-pronged plan: Pay attention and take a chance. If you focus your energy on the woman in question rather than on yourself or your surroundings (which is what you should be doing anyway), you’ll pick up more than you ever thought you could have. And if you disregard the very obvious signs — the laughing, the touching, the eye contact — and you don’t go for it, well then, then you are kinda dumb.

Alan Goldsher’s book, Modest Mouse: A Pretty Good Read, is available now. Visit his website.

Jessica Murphy presents 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman

1) "What did you do to your hair?"
Unless we've cut our own hair—this is not common—someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.

2) "They both look the same to me."
We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision—or worse, that you don't care.

3) "Relax."
A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.

4) "I've got it all under control."
Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.

5) "You're not one of those feminists, are you?"
Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.

6) "When are you due?"
Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent—even considerate—curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.

7) "You're being emotional."
In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question—"Is it that time of month?"—to yourself.

8) "You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend."
All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.

9) "You complete me."
We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's—and sometimes a woman's—mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.

10) "Do you really think you should be eating that?"
Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.

Jessica Murphy is a freelance writer based in Seattle.

Excerpted from msn.com

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Craig Playstead presents 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy

1) "That looks cute."
For the most part, men hate cute. We don't want to hear about it, we don't want to see it, and we sure as hell don't want to be it. If we come down stairs after getting dressed and you tell us we look cute, there's a 100 percent chance we're changing. We're supposed to be your protector, your rock, and cute does not fit into that picture.

2) "We need to talk."
These four words shut off a man's brain faster than long division. When men hear you say that they immediately go into flight mode. And anything they can do to get out of this conversation—and better yet, your apartment—they will. There are plenty of other ways to approach a delicate conversation, and getting us in a place where we feel comfortable is a good start.

3) "It's just a game."
Actually, it's not just a game. Sports are a major part of our lives and the outcome has as much to do with our mood as just about anything else. Is it fair? No. Is it right? No. Is it immature? Maybe. But it's life. Sometimes we just care too much. We understand that it doesn't make sense, but you should be happy that we're that passionate about something. Telling us that "it's just a game" is like us telling you that Oprah's just a talk show host.

4) "Nothing's wrong."
Please don't tell us nothing's wrong. The look on your face could make the toughest guy on the planet weep like a third-grade girl and your arms are crossed so tight you might explode. We're not mind readers; tell us what's going on. And don't make us guess because—believe me—you won't like what we come up with.

5) "I sound like my mom."
The mere fact that you might turn into your mom someday scares the hell out of us. Don't say it, even in jest—it's not funny. We actually believe (and pray) that the saying "every woman ends up looking like their mother" is an old wives' tale. If we didn't, no one would ever get married.

6) "I just want to be friends."
No you don't. You just want us to stop calling you. This is a lot like pulling off a band-aid. Do it quick—don't prolong the agony. Most of us take "I just want to be friends" as "There's still a chance," so if there isn't just make it a clean break and move on. Everyone will be much better because of it.

7) "Size doesn't matter."
Don't lie to us. We know it does, and we're doing our best to make up for it in other ways. It's best just to not say anything at all.

8) "What are you wearing?"
We're wearing whatever's clean or whatever you tell us to. We don't plan out our wardrobe days in advance, but we do actually try and look presentable. It may not work a lot of the time, but we do give it a shot. Giving us direction is completely encouraged though, so go ahead and suggest … nicely.

9) "Do you think she's pretty?"
Of course we do, our standards are much lower than yours. But just because we check her out doesn't mean we think any less of you. We try to be as discreet as possible, but for the most part, we can't help it. It's in our DNA. When an attractive woman walks by, it's best to just pretend nothing happened.

10) "Which outfit do you like better?"
I'm going to be honest here—90 percent of the guys out there are not going to tell you which outfit they like better: They're going to try to pick the one you like better and not get into a holy war when the babysitter is due any minute. To us, you always look good. Getting a couple cocktails and spending as much time as we can without the kids is our ultimate goal for a rare night out.

Craig Playstead is a freelance writer and father of three living in the suburbs of Seattle. In the past he's also been a sports writer, a game writer and a talk show host. You can reach him at playstead@hotmail.com.

Excerpted from msn.com

5 kinds of Chemisty - Have you felt them all??

I found this great article written by Jonathan Small at msn.com.

Pretty much all of us know what someone’s talking about when they say, “Hey, I was on a date, and — wow — we had incredible chemistry.” In a nutshell, that means that these two people felt such a strong attraction to each other that they couldn’t wait to get somewhere, ahem, a little more private, right? Sure, that may be the most traditional kind of chemistry, but it’s hardly the only type. According to experts, that earth-moving, spark-flying phenomenon can assume many forms. To help you sort through all those crazy feelings you may have for someone, we’ve described five of the most common types of attraction you can experience. Recognizing and savoring all of them can lead to a fantastic, long-lasting relationship.


Type #1: Tear-each-other’s-clothes-off chemistry
This is the most common type of chemistry, but it’s also the most misunderstood. After all, pretty much everyone’s made the mistake of confusing physical attraction with love. Is there a way to differentiate one feeling from the other? Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of Why We Love, explains it this way: “Lust is basically the craving for sexual gratification,” she says. “It generally dissipates after having sex and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several different people at the same time, and you don’t necessarily feel ‘possessive’ or jealous. But when you’re in love, you are very possessive.”

No one is saying sexual chemistry is evil or that you should necessarily hold out for something deeper. Nor should you fret if you feel like great sex is all you have in common with someone at first. According to Dr. Fisher, having sex with someone can trigger a peak in the feel-good chemical dopamine, which, over time, can produce genuine, bonafide feelings of love. Hang in there, and it just may happen!


Type #2: We’re-so-comfortable chemistry
Have you ever been with a guy who finishes your sentences, or a woman who’s so easy to talk to, you feel like you can be totally natural around her? Welcome to comfort chemistry—that effortless rapport and connection that can exist between two people. “People who share this chemistry often feel like they’re a unit,” says Harry Reis, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. “When they talk to each other, they almost feel like they’re talking to themselves.” Worried that all this familiarity makes you better friends than lovers? Never fear, simpatico feelings can often lead to lust later. “When you fall in love, the elevated activity of dopamine can affect levels of testosterone and trigger a heightened sex drive,” explains Fisher. Translation: You two may be passionate partners in no time!


Type #3: We-laugh-like-crazy-together chemistry
Ask someone to give you a wish list of what they look for in a mate, and humor almost always appears near the top of the list. “Everybody likes to laugh,” says Kate Wachs, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. “We’re all looking for a mate that helps us have fun.” Researchers have even found that laughing together increases how attractive people look to each other. So, don’t automatically relegate jokers to the role of “great to invite to a party.” Where there’s laughter, long-term love can follow: Just think how much easier it’ll be to get through those rocky points that every relationship experiences sooner or later.


Type #4: We’re-so-complementary chemistry
While it’s important for us to find a mate who shares our values, we’re also attracted to those who are different from us. “We like complementary personalities who accentuate our good parts and mask our flaws,” says Dr. Fisher. For example, a sexy fashion model might have real chemistry with a nerdy mathematician—and vice versa. Why? She makes him feel sexy, and he makes her feel smart. Same goes for the anti-social type who marries a people person. We’re drawn to those who make us feel like better and more well-rounded people. Remember the famous line in Jerry Maguire: “You complete me?” That’s complementary chemistry in action.


Type #5: We-have-so-much-in-common chemistry
As anyone who has ever searched profiles on Match.com knows, finding common interests with your potential mate is a huge plus—whether that’s a penchant to cruise flea markets for that one-of-a-kind antique, or a love of camping deep in the wilderness. “We tend to gravitate towards people who share the similar interests as us,” Dr. Fisher says. Not only does doing so make spending time together insanely easy, but sharing an activity you both enjoy allows you to get to know each other in a low-pressure environment. Plus, just think of what a bonding experience it would be if you both scaled those waterfalls at Yosemite together! These touchstones can become the foundation for a lot of fond memories—and a solid relationship.


Now that you know the five types of chemistry, be on the lookout to experience them all. Even if you don’t feel that “lightning has struck!” sensation when meeting someone, you two still might have excellent chemistry, if it’s given time to grow.


Jonathan Small is a Los Angeles-based writer who’s written for Glamour and other publications.

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Is Online Dating the same as Placing/Responding to a Personal Ad in a newspaper?

Is it? I had a discussion with my buddy earlier today who said "personal ads are so tacky and 1999. Now its all about online dating." Um, Newsflash............. You're still putting an ad. Ok, so its not technically the newspaper, but let's not split hairs - searching for love is searching for love, no matter the medium.

Just because you've moved from the paper to the electronic highway doesn't mean you're now part of some elite group. You are still on the prowl, only now, a lot more people have access to your "ad." I don't understand why some folks think these two are mutually exclusive. An Ad is an Ad - whether its in the NY Times or on Match.com.

Get over it!!!! or Deal with it!!!! Don't get me wrong - of course, I'm aware that the internet is more popular these days.......... i'm on it!!! I'm offended by my buddy's extra comment that "paper ads are for anti-social losers because the internet is for cool guys like me." Seriously dude, don't even get me started. Anti-social losers??????? If I didn't need the energy to write about my last date, I'd rip my "buddy" a new one...............

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Laughter is Sexy and Healthy!!!

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A few Dating Books

Get great tips on online dating and relationships in general!!!!!

Synopsis: An online dating consultant and a TV columnist share the secrets of finding and maintaining personal relationships, offering a series of helpful guidelines on how eliminate negative behaviors and attitudes that affect one's bonds with others.






Synopsis: Chopra takes us on an inspiring journey into our heart's desire and reveals how to tap into the love that can transform our lives. Filled with inspiring, timeless love stories, and practical exercises and wisdom, Deepak Chopra's "The Path to Love" is destined to do for the spirit of love...




Synopsis: An innovative program designed to help men and women overcome their shyness to successfully navigate a variety of social situations uses a dating profile quiz and journaling exercises to help readers understand their dating preferences and style and offers practical advice on online dating...















Why You're Still Single
Path to Love
The Shy Single
Been There, Done That, Kept the Jewelry

Online Dating Tips and Articles

Check out OnlineDatingMagazine.com for online dating tips and/or insight. Whether you're looking for advice on what to wear for your first date or third date, to how to plan your date, this site has it all. It even helps you "break-up" graciously....... hmmmmm

Quick Tip Articles List Focus
Three Profile Tips to Build a Better Profile - Tips / Insight
Creating Profile Headers That Attract Attention - Tips / Insight
Dating Tips for Workaholics - Tips / Insight
Why He Dumped You (and get back on track) - Tips / Insight
How to Know if Your Love is Real - Tips / Warning
10 Important Dating Tips for Men - Tips
First Date Do's and Dont's - Tips
12 Tips for Safe Online Dating - Tips / Warning
First Date Conversation Starters - Tips
The Do's and Dont's of Perfect Skin Improvement
First Date Ideas Ideas
10 Ways to Break Up Graciously - Tips
Daily Regime for Healthier Skin Improvement
Eight Warning Signs That He is Going to End it Warning
Women: Five Men You Should Avoid Dating Warning
Chatroom Dating Tips and Chatroom Safety

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You're Not the Only One Online!!! And Eddie Murphy & Tracey Edmonds Splitsville

Celebrities dabble in Online dating by By Ed Krayewski/FOX News

Social networking and online dating Web sites have become popular for letting everyday people create celebrity-like identities for themselves. But celebrities are using the very same sites to shun their Hollywood identities in favor of meeting everyday people.

Stars like Joan Rivers and Halle Berry have confessed to checking out online dating sites — and Rivers even posted an ad on Match.com. "I love smart men, funny men, elegant men," Rivers' profile reads. "If I had to choose between Brad Pitt stripped to the waist or an old George Clooney in a dinner jacket, George would win hands down." Rivers admitted to Howard Stern last month that she placed the Match.com ad.

Rivers' profile also tells readers she is a comedian, interested in "coffee and conversation" and includes a picture of the 72-year-old comic. Even beautiful Oscar-winner Halle Berry has admitted to spending a lot of time in chat rooms, and to dabbling with dating sites. I am never who I am,” Berry told Contact Music in July about her experiences online. “I have been to a couple of dating ones just to see what everybody is talking about. I chime in and say a little fun stuff." While it seems unthinkable that stars who attend A-list parties would want to have coffee with the average Joe or Jane, Date.com’s Shira Kallus says some celebrities really just want to be normal.

“They can stop being celebrities and start being people,” she said. “Online dating lets people get to know you for what kind of person you are, not who you are." The founder of romance advice site TheRomantic.com, Michael Webb, agreed. "Celebrities are just like everyone else," he said. "Unfortunately people can become captivated by the celebrity status and be attracted to them for the wrong reasons."

With online dating, celebrities can try to develop a relationship based on their character, not their stardom, Webb added. And the stars have dry spells just like everyone else. Rivers Cuomo, frontman of the rock band Weezer, signed up for an online dating service site after remaining celibate for two years, he told Rolling Stone magazine last May. And last year, Luke Greenfield, director of the 2004 Elisha Cuthbert movie "The Girl Next Door," placed a profile on Jewish dating site JDate, according Hollywood gossip site Defamer. "I'm taking time off and I'm looking for a cool, sexy girl who's sharp, fun, loving, and has great taste," Greenfield's profile read. He told readers he just bought a house and needs help decorating, and that those who don't love movies need not apply.

Defamer has a disclaimer along with its report. "We have to recognize the possibility that the profile is the work of some very bored prankster," it said. "But why should we be so surprised that a person like Greenfield might be out there hunting for a suitable, faith-appropriate mate?" However, when it comes to making a love connection, many still swear by "the real world." Out of 2,000 people polled, just 7 percent believe computer-dating services work, according to a recent annual survey by romance-novel publisher Harlequin.

And a 2005 study by Keynote, an Internet industry research firm, shows customer satisfaction with online dating is low. Sixty-one percent believe others are misrepresenting themselves. And a whole 30 percent are married or live with a significant other, according to Keynote. The study goes on to mention other problems, such as functionality and organization, that lead to customer dissatisfaction.

Cuomo was one of those dissatisfied customers. After submitting his profile, he said the Web site responded: "We are sorry, but there is no one anywhere in the world that is appropriate for you." “So that was it, I gave up," he said. Rivers told Stern she hasn't received a single message yet. And Berry found her latest love, Candian model Gabriel Aubry, at a photo shoot in Canada. But it’s worked for others. Date.com, for example, claims to have been responsible for at least 250 marriages.

Far more trendy these days, however, are free social networking services, which are often used for dating. MySpace, for example, has more than 59 million members, many who list “dating” as one of the reasons for joining. There are pages on MySpace for most celebrities; a search for Cuomo comes up with 36 pages and a search for Berry more than 50. Virtually all of them are created as fan pages or hoaxes. But as the No. 5 English-language Web site, according to Alexa Internet’s rankings, people on the site get exposure.

Todd Shaeffer, an aspiring actor from Harrisburg, Penn., has a page on MySpace. While on the set of the upcoming M. Night Shamalayan film, “Lady in the Water” as an extra, Shaeffer said he told the first assistant director, John Rusk, his first name, to which Rusk replied, “Todd Shaeffer?” Shaeffer said yes and Rusk then asked, “Oh My Todd?” "Oh My Todd" is Shaeffer’s MySpace handle. “I just started laughing and blushed like crazy that this guy knew my name and my MySpace name,” Shaeffer said. “I didn’t put it anywhere on anything that I filled out. I asked him how he knew my name and my MySpace name, but he wouldn’t tell me.” Which just goes to show: you never know who's looking at you online. It could be Halle Berry, so you might want to say hello.

I usually don't dabble in gossip, but I can't help this one - Was this even for Real??? Stunt or Fantasy gone Bad??? I'm posting the Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds publicity stunt, ahem, dating and wedding pictures for my good pal, who saw their gorgeous wedding pictures [before the separation] and said "oh i'm gonna join match. I need to find me a man so that I can look that happy." Really??? Do you still feel that way? Remember that celebrity pictures of "pure bliss" should not be the benchmark we use for shaping our love lives. A week in celebrity land is like a year in real life!!!!

Ahem.........[insert joke/comment of choice]




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Online Dating Conference - HuH??

Hey there Onlinedaters, how many times has this happened to you????

In other onlinedating news, the folks who do that wonderful job of matching you on 39 dimensions with your one true love are meeting out in Miami, Florida (the city of true love, right?) Right - to bring you even truer love this year. Lucky lucky you. As you ask yourself what you've done to deserve this good good blessing, I'll go find some energy to write about my fifth date, which unlike the other four, actually lasted two months :-) Yup, get ready for the drama, laughter and head-shaking!!! heeeeheeeheeee.

Look at what your online dating cash is paying for this year - Miami Online Dating Conference.

Oh, and when you're done you can check out Online Dating Review for all the reasons why they think you should try online dating. 2008 is turning out to be the year of 39 dimensions indeed ........

Oh!!! Before I forget, for those of you chicas who've been salivating over the "31 ways to marry a fabulous man" by "Pari Livermore" post, here's more for you.....



More Humor for the Road............




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Date # 4 Teaser - EntrepreneurialPharmacist987

Sorry for the delay guys - my day job happened :-)

It's time to meet #4 - EntrepreneurialPharmacist987

I was intrigued with Chris from the start. He told me he was a 32-year old pharmacist, with a keen interest in drug production and lifestyle enhancement. I didn’t know what he meant, but figured, I’d ask him later. We spoke on the phone about ten times before we met. I met him at a nice upscale restaurant and we hit it off immediately. I noticed group of about ten men sitting next to our table. He’d constantly wave at them and they stared repeatedly at our table. Perturbed and irritated, I asked him what was going on. He told me that in his line of work, he had to travel with an entourage, “a group of men who had his back.” What? I was confused. When did pharmacy work become so dangerous? He laughed at me and told me he would explain. I listened. Boy, did I get an earful.

He told me his job was to make people feel good. He described himself and an entrepreneur who specialized in pharmacy. “Oh” I said,………"so what you’re saying is that you own pharmacies?” He laughed and said “something like that.” I asked what he meant. He informed me that he was a drug dealer. Yes you heard. He was, as a put it, in the business of helping people relax. His said his impressive list of clientele included only the most elite doctors, judges, lawyers, cops and investment bankers in the city. People who wanted to chill out and relax after a long hard week of working. He sold only the best and sold his stuff to only upscale clients. He stated that he made over eight figures every year and had the best protection than any other drug dealer, and of course only dealt in cash. He told me I would be floored by his client list. Really? I told him to go no further.

Not only was he a thriving felon and criminal, but he also dealt only in cash, thus, making no contribution to our national economy. I obviously have no problem with what people choose as their careers, but I was bothered by Chris’s occupation. It was dangerous and I wanted no part of it. My Gosh, I could not believe I was sitting across from one of the biggest drug dealers in the city. What had my life become? How did I even get here? Here I was eating dinner with an unscrupulous “businessman” and I’m using the term businessman lightly, who sold drugs in his greedy quest to live a fabulous lifestyle. I was disgusted. He turned my stomach.

I must admit that a part of me felt relieved that he wasn’t one of those street dealers who sell drugs indiscriminately to everyone, including young innocent children. At least he sold his crap to folks who were old enough and sophisticated enough to know and understand what they were doing. Am I justifying his career choice? Nope!!! Am I judging him? Maybe. But as I excused myself from dinner and walked home, I felt comfortable walking out of his life forever. I reminded myself to “just say no!!!!” The date was so exhausting and and it gave me such a terrible headache that I had to go home and take some drugs - advil!!!

I will post Date # 5 later(I promise :-))

Singing the Dating-WTF Blues

Ok, so I'll file this one under WTF??? So y'all know I'm doing the online dating thing........yeah, I haven't given any more updates since date 3, but I will. I promise. Date 3 took too much out of me. If you read it you know that I'm still nursing that bruised black eye. Seriously, I am. It made me rethink some things, you know? Anyway, back to me singing the dating blues tonight.

So I winked at this guy on match.com. Yeah, for those of you who don't know, you can wink or send emails if someone catches your eye. Actually I always send emails. This was my first time winking. I don't like winking. When was the last time some dude walked by you and winked? When was the last time you winked to get some dude's attention? I guess for some of you it was last night at the club. For me, it was years ago in undergrad during a really boring chemistry class. Anyway as usual, I digress.

So I winked at this dude and he winked back. Okayyyyyyyyyyy...... So I emailed him and told him I liked his smile (yes, I know its an overused line, and yes, I'm going to keep using it!!!!). He emailed me back thanking me for the compliment saying, in pertinent part, "Thanks for your wink and email. You have a pretty smile too even though your lips are really thin, but I'm curious about one thing, how did you find me since you live in [East Coast] and I live in so far away in New York." Just for the record, its only an hour train ride away, but who's counting? You're wondering why this gives me the blues?

Maybe its because this is the 5th guy who has asked me how I found him. MFKR you're on the Worldwide Web. It's not a freagging gated community. You pay your cash, you get instant access. If you post your picture on the web with a corresponding profile looking for a date, someone is bound to find it, read it, and respond to it. An interested party might even have the ..........gasp......... the nerve......... to wink or send an email. Does he think he's hiding or something? I mean, does he not know that anyone with a keyboard can find you if they're looking for you? Dude, its not the witness protection program............you're not undercover. You're on an Internet dating site.

If you say that you're looking for someone within 5000 miles and I live an hour away from you, then don't tell me I live too far away from you. Do the math, ok. If you post your picture and a dating profile on the Worldwide Web and I respond, don't ask how I freaggin found you. Please!!! I know you're probably wondering what is wrong with her? Why is she so mad? She should be more pissed about her "thin lips" comment. Yeah, I know, I am pissed about that too.

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Private Practice - Cooper returns to online dating

If you watch this show and haven't seen today's episode yet, stop reading now. I don't want to ruin it for you!!!

I don't watch tv......... ok, i do, but only for law and order reruns. Who doesn't? Tonight I have the luxury of watching televion - not late night television, but real-time tv. Primetime. It's my second time watching the show. The first time I only saw the last 25 minutes of the show.

My sister called me tonight instructing me to watch the show because I'm into "online dating and all." I'm watching it now.........looks cool. Yes, I do admit I'm into online dating. You're on this blog, aren't you? The focus of tonight's episode is, among other things, about Cooper's (one of the main characters [i'm guessing]) return to online dating. I'm trying my best to follow............ I checked out ABC's homepage and here's the download on Cooper ----

"The center's resident pediatrician is Dr. Cooper Freedman, whose success in his profession belies his rocky personal life. He's a serial internet dater who is always attracted to the wrong woman. Most dates end badly for him; some even end in petty or grand theft.

Cooper finds solace and counsel in his closest friend, co-op psychiatrist Dr. Violet Turner - but she's no luckier in love. Able to deftly advise her patients in their relationships, she's intense, determined and unwilling to let outsiders see the obvious cracks in her veneer. Inside, Violet is crumbling after her recent breakup with an ex who has already moved on and married."

Ok, so now I get it. He's serial internet dater. I see my sister's point. I can totally identify with Cooper. I've been watching for ten minutes now and I haven't seen Cooper yet. Ok, I'll head over to ABC's website and get his mugshot........oh ok, its Paul Adelstein from Memoirs of a Geisha (if you saw the movie......if not, then he was also in Be Cool....... you didn't see that one either? dangit...........ok he was in collateral with tom crusie.....stop reading now if you didn't see that one either). Here's his mug.........

It's 9.16 and Cooper is finally online. He's reading online profiles now.......... Apparently some chick called "canyouhandleme?" caught his eye. The interesting thing is that I've seen several guys on match.com with that screenname too. You look at their pictures and all you're thinking is "seriously, dude, i don't want to get near you-----forget handling you--------yuck!!" Oh, enough about me - back to Cooper. Well, its not my fault. The Cooper scene lasted half a second. I'm assuming he'll get actual face time at some point during this hour. If the show is centered on his return to online dating, I'm not sitting here wasting my time breathlessly hanging on just waiting for some random hookup during the last 30 seconds as a prelude to next week's episode. I'll be at work next week. Don't freaggin tease me tonight. Still on commercial interlude............

Oh wait, they're back and Cooper's on his date. They didn't show it but one of the other residents just mentioned it in passing. Why didn't they show us that part? Oooooooooo Dreamboat Tim Daly is on the show too. He looks really awesome for a dude in his 50s (hence the dreamboat tag). Oh Cooper's now at the bar. Might be an awkward run-in with some chick he actually knows. The date turned out to be some gal he apparently knows..........she bolted on him. I guess he wasn't too impressive the last time they met............ha!!! Apparently there's a typhoid fever outbreak at some church and in other show news, a teenage girl had a baby. Still no Cooper.

Back from commercial interlude. No Cooper, but I'm loving this show. Amy Brenneman from Judging Amy and Taye Diggs are also on the show, and so is Dr Addison from Grey's Anatomy (i regret to say I've never seen an episode of GA). There are other fine actors and actresses but I don't have time to list them all. I think there might be a "thing" between Daly's character and Dr. Addison. Nothing related to online dating though. Still no Cooper and now another commercial interlude. I do admit that I'm loving the show so far. I'm slightly less irritated about the internet dating angle though. It's only 9.38 so I'm still hopeful. And if you're thinking I'm obsessed with this internet dating thing, you're so wrong. I just enjoy the entertainment aspect of it.

That reminds me. There are several residents on match.com and other dating sites too. Back from the interlude and the teenager's baby is getting prime facetime. Cooper is finally on. I didn't get his last exchange, but it had something to do with "canyouhandleme." And then there's some guy with a foot fetish who ended up in the hospital because he stuck a pair of shoes up his *&^. Yep, his (*&. I won't even go there. He had a date with Addison.....OMG, he put Addison's shoes in "his trunk." Apparently its a place where you shove things you steal from others in an anatomical kind of way-his ^&%. Sweet Mercy!!! Pass me the smelling salts!!!

Still no Cooper and his online date. But everything else about the show is great!! The nun in the church died from Typhoid fever. Commercial Interlude. Back on now. Oh wait, now I'm confused............I guess cuz I don't watch the show, but it appears that "canyouhandleme"-the chick who bolted -- is actually one of Cooper's colleagues.............That explains it!!!! LOL!!!

Oh, here's the biggie - The nun got the Typhoid fever from the Priest........................ and no, its not what you're thinking - even though he snuck into the convent every night to see her-----------------TO cook!!!! I know, I know. You're dissappointed..................what were you expecting?

Awwwwwwwwwww............... the teenager and her mom came to get the baby. Show's over now. Oh wait, Cooper just invited "canyouhandleme?" out for a drink........................ Last shot of the show now and guess what??? Cooper appears to be handling "it" quite fine and they didn't even go get that drink :-)!!!!!!

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Know thyself - What works for me may not work for my sister

I wasn't going to blog today, but I need the distraction. Well, the truth is that in the last fifteen minutes, I have seen adverts for both perfectmatch.com and eharmony.com. Oh, now I'm watching a chemistry.com advert. Apparently, eharmony has rejected another "good" person.

I am currently having a debate with two of my sisters. One of them thinks online dating is for psychos and the other hates online dating because yahoo personals did not work for her. The one who thinks online dating is for psychos is 33 and has been happily stuck, um, i meant attached to her boyfriend's hip for the last five years. She's in couple "lalaland" so her opinions hold little weight in this debate.

Now to my other sister. She tried yahoo personals and hated it. She allegedly met several cheap losers who were raised in loserville. They range from stalkers to 45 year old men who still live at home.

I have told both of them that online dating does not suck. I'll reiterate that it is like any other form of dating. You just have to know what works for you. Just because yahoo personals worked for my sister's best friend's brother's cousin doesn't mean it will work for her. My sister is level headed, smart, engaging, ready to be married, ready to have children, looking only for a religious christian man who is like-minded, smart, upward-bound (don't know what she means), handsome, at least 6 feet tall, preferably with dimples, and comes from a strong loving family.

Luckily for her it's almost Christmas and Santa is taking requests. Ha ha ha!!!

Seriously, she needs to recognize that her list of "what he should look like or sound like" is very very rigid. I forgot to add that this man must also look like denzel and be either an architect, doctor, lawyer or engineer. Nothing else. She's a doctor (not that it matters). I guess when your ex is a divorced father of 5 who is still trying to find himself you need a list like hers (but i'm not judging. i'm the one whose third online date landed her a black eye and sixteen stitches, courtesy of manabouttown69's girlfriend. My eyes still twitch each time I think about it, but I digress).

Sounds to me like she needs to be her laptop out of her briefcase and log on to eharmony.com and start working on that profile questionnaire to see who she matches up with on those 29 dimensions.

If Dr. Warren is to be believed, her match is waiting to pledge his unfaltering love to her on eharmony. She will be able to find her real true love. If this doesn't work, then there's the plethora of other sites out there like match, perfectmatch, truematch, lavalife, plenty of fish, cheating husbands, roommates for hire--- you get the gist.

Well, I think I've won her over. She's logged on to eharmony and is completing her profile. I'll keep you posted.

I love my sister and I think she should be patient................................... Love will find her when she least expects it. I predict that pretty soon she'll be stuck, i mean, attached to some guy's hip like my other sister.

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Response to 19 y.o. Annon engaged to 46 y.o. man

Anonymous said...
I think that if you are patient you will find the one. I assume these dates are some kind of experiment for your date. I tried eharmony for a while but it did not work. Then i tried yahoo personals. I met my fiance on match.com eight months ago. We knew we loved each other from the day we met. he told me he loved me five days after we met. i was scared but I knew in my heart of hearts that he was the one for me. we got engaged six months after we met. my family still things we met at the mall. i am 19 and he is 46. he has two beautiful daughters and 1 son. I dont think i want to have children so i am happy. all i am saying is that online dating is not bad. it is not a joke if you take it seriously and it really works. there are thousands of online sites for all kinds of true love and fetishes. I met my man of my dreams. you will too. goodluck with your dates. i dont think these guys will appreciate the fact that you are making fun of them though. Any suggestions for wedding songs? let us know when you find the one. dont knock it until you try it.
October 19, 2007 1:09 PM

Anonymous said...
to the lady who is 19 and dating the 46 year old. are you crazy? he has three kids and he is twice your age. his kids are probably your age. seriously, what are you thinkingg? and you told your family you met at the mall? why would a 46 year old pervert go for that? you need to finish college if you are in school and date someone kid your age. c'mon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sassy, surely you cannot approve of this? wedding songs? how about you go finish your homework. c'mon.

October 20, 2007 9:21 AM

Sassy said...
i will respond to both comments in the next post. if you guys have google accounts/blogs, why don't you sign on with those so that i can check out your sites too. Thanks for stopping by.
October 20, 2007 9:27 AM

My Response

My response to the 19 year old chica is to make sure she knows what she's getting into. I get the whole "i love him" part, but seriously, he is much much older than you. I understand that you don't think you want children. You are only 19 and you may change your mind about that down the road. Look at the big picture - when you're 59, he'll be 86. Are you ready to commit to that kind of relationship? The age difference doesn't matter as much right now, but in 40 years you'll either be kicking yourself in the shin or showering your man with love and affection.

I can't predict the future, but if you believe this is what you truly want to do, then hey, no one can stop you. Ask yourself why you're lying to your family about where you met? Assess your relationship with his children. Think about where you see yourself in 40 years. Traveling to some exotic locale with the man you love to celebrate your retirement or looking through nursing home brochures for the man you love. Do you!! But be true to yourself. If you do decide to go ahead with this marriage, here are the wedding songs you requested. There are thousands more available at your fingertips on the internet. Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!!!

1. "A Whole New World" (Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle)

2. "As Time Goes By" (from Casablanca)

3. "At Last" (Etta James)

4. "Because You Loved Me" (Celine Dion)

5. "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" (Elton John)

6. "Can't Help Falling In Love" (Elvis Presley)

7. "Chances Are" (Johnny Mathis)

8. "Close To You" (The Carpenters)

9. "Could I Have This Dance?" (Anne Murray)

10. "Dream A Little Dream" (Mamas & the Papas)

11. "Embraceable You" (Nat King Cole)

12. "Endless Love" (Diana Ross & Lionel Richie)

13. "Fascination" (Jane Morgan)

14. "Fever" (Peggy Lee)

15. "Forever and Ever, Amen" (Randy Travis)

16. "Forever" (Kenny Loggins)

17. "From This Moment" (Shania Twain & Brian White)

18. "Grow Old With Me" (Mary Chapin Carpenter)

19. "Here And Now" (Luther Vandross)

20. "I Finally Found Someone" (Barbra Streisand & Bryan Adams)

21. "I Only Have Eyes For You" (The Flamingos)

22. "I Will" (The Beatles)

23. "If I Loved You" (from Carousel)

24. "In My Life" (The Beatles)

25. "It Had To Be You" (Harry Connick, Jr.)

26. "Lady In Red" (Chris DeBurgh)

27. "Love Theme To Romeo & Juliet" (from Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet)

28. "Marry Me" (Neil Diamond & Buffy Lawson)

29. "One Moment In Time" (Whitney Houston)

30. "Our Love Is Here To Stay" (Billie Holiday)

31. "So This Is Love" (James Ingram)

32. "Some Enchanted Evening" (from South Pacific)

33. "Something" (The Beatles)

34. "Somewhere" (from West Side Story)

35. "The Best Is Yet To Come" (Frank Sinatra)

36. "The Rose" (Bette Midler)

37. "Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You" (Roberta Flack & Peabo Bryson)

38. "True" (Spandau Ballet)

39. "Unforgettable" (Nat King Cole)

40. "Up Where We Belong" (Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warrens)

41. "Wedding Song (There Is Love)" (Captain & Tennille)

42. "Wedding Song (There is Love)" (Petula Clark)

43. "We've Got Tonight" (Bob Seger)

44. "We've Only Just Begun" (The Carpenters)

45. "When I Fall In Love" (Nat King Cole)

46. "Will You Marry Me?" (Vonda Shepard)

47. "Woman" (John Lennon)

48. "Wonderful World" (Louis Armstrong)

49. "You Are So Beautiful" (Joe Cocker)

50. "Your Song" (Elton John)

Dating Sites

Check out this site for a list of online dating sites. I think that your preferences will be based on your individual dating style and how much $$$ you're willing to invest in your quest for love/companionship/dealings/friendships/soulmates, whatever you prefer to call it.

If you prefer a profile questionnaire and guided communication, try eharmony.com. If you prefer to hit the ground running, match.com may be the one for you. I have heard several people say that they prefer to do custom searches themselves and prefer match. I have heard several others say that eharmony offers more "serious daters."

There are lots of sites other than yahoo personals, match.com or eharmony. Others include, but are not limited to - lavalife.com, ChristianSingles.com, WealthyMen.com, perfectmatch.com, chemistry.com, JDate.com, GreatExpectations.com, True.com, Nerve.com, MuslimDating.net, BlackPlanet.com, InterracialRomance.com and connectingsingles.com.

There you have it - The willy wonka factory of online dating!!!!! Now all you have to do is "research." You want a site that works best for you, tailored to your needs. Not some site that worked for your sister's best friend's cousin's roommate.